Lessons from the trails

May. 22, 2007 - Lessons from the trail ...
Most of my blog friends I find have regular 'entries' ... book reviews, Saturday Simple Pleasures, local causes, things I wish I had the courage to say, sage advice, cute little kid stories or bring great speakers/performers to our area to raise money for local charities ...
I don't do 'regular' anything. It's one of my weaknesses that drives me insane ... yet the thought of putting myself in the position of having to think of a simple pleasure every Saturday or give sage advice ... well, it's enough to make me not blog for days. I even tried just putting together a reading list ... boxed in ... tags ... following the crowd ...
I was thinking about these things while I was 4-wheeling with my fellas on Sunday (9 hours and nearly 50 miles of trails) ... and I was trying to think of something cleaver to use as my title like "Lessons from the Trails" but decided saying that I would do this regularly would cause the problems I mentioned above ...
Did I say before that I had to have a million things to think of because riding scares me to death and I forgot my Ipod which is usually my fear epidural so to speak. Third Day's "These Thousand Hills" seems to bring my blood pressure down during a particularly scary climb ...
Thus, my need for a million thoughts occupying my mind. So ... a regular entry and why it would never work was topic number one.
Topic two was the spiritual lessons I'm learning from this out of the box activity ... mostly in my marriage. In case you don't know me well, I have thoughts on most things. Thinking about things is what I do. I can not help myself! During our 14 years of marriage, I have found that I don't do thinker and submissive wife especially well as a combo! I'm getting better, but boy, has it been a challenge. My husband has observed and stated that 4-wheeling is the only area in our entire marriage where I've had to depend totally on his knowledge and expertise without even being able to offer an opinion because I'm so new to the task at hand. And he's right.
At first, the whole thing was just painful. I didn't know what I was doing, I didn't trust Randy to keep us safe, to have our best interest in mind, to plan a trip based on my skill level, I didn't trust the machines to do their job, I didn't trust the mountain to be what it appeared, I didn't trust AJ not to be impulsive (okay, trust issues is another blog entry)... and I didn't trust me to be able to follow. My tendency to replay the worst thing that could possibly happen over and over in my head like a dvd would keep me up for nights following a riding trip when something went slightly wrong.
And in one way or another, all those things proved to be atleast partially true.
I was miserable, but we needed something to do as a family. And, we have these expensive machines.
But someone had to move first. Someone had to learn a lesson. And that someone was me. I began to follow ... sometimes madder than a wet hen (wet often because I'd gotten into something I couldn't get out of and had to walk through mud up to my knees) ... sometimes crying (HATED THAT but unable to hide it because there's so much dust that there were streaks of clean amidst the mud) ... sometimes (actually often) praying (Lord, you created gravity, we need an extra measure here) ... but I started listening to my husband. I started saying things like, "I trust you" and "I know you'll watch out for me." And I stopped saying things like "How could you ________" or "Why do you always ______________" ... and all of a sudden two trips ago, he started to change. He stopped taking us on trails that were too hard. He stopped challenging us beyond what we were comfortable with (I say us because it was an issue for AJ as well), he started enjoying the journey instead of just the adrenaline of the steep climb or the thrill of desending the rock. He relaxed ...
because I respected his ability and judgement. Hmmmm ... Ephesians 5 came to mind. Somewhere, probably as we were winding around the final 10 miles of gravel roadside, lost because we'd gotten off on an unmarked trail ... I began to see the connection. My need brought about his want to take care of me ...
all those years of being self-sufficient (read that as " I don't need you, I can take care of myself") allowed him to only think of himself (maybe even out of protecting his own heart?).
Hang with me on this ... if we, as believers, are Christ's bride, and this being a wife thing is sort of like the dress rehersal ... well, just let me tell you, Randy isn't the only place I pull the "I can take care of myself" attitude.
When things get rough and I begin to perceive my circumstance as "why isn't God taking care of this" then I begin to ignore Him (not unlike a 3 year old, if I close my eyes, You aren't there) ... no devotions to speak of, no praise, no worship, no prayer ... just obigatory actions. How loved can one feel from only obligatory actions?
I'm seeing more and more correlation between my marriage and my walk with Christ even as I type. And it's a bit scary.
Other lessons from the trail included tadpoles and Spring and balance and fulcrum and friendship ...
While I know I can't commit to anything like "Lessons from the Trail" on a regular basis, you might hear a thing or two about what God is teaching me as we continue this journey. And you can feel free to pray for me regarding any of the items mentioned above! I could use it!