This Weekend ...

I needed order. I am feeling an INTENSE need to be in control of something.

I have a school year that is coming to an end with AJ ... and I think it means the end of our homeschooling career. We re-evaluate every year about this time- but this year- everyone thinks its time for a shift. Never has that 'feeling' lasted so late into the spring.
My heart yearns for the security that comes with things staying the same. High school is one thing ... High School in a physical building where he's gone all day brings a lump to my throat that I can hardly contain at this moment.

I have several friendships that seem to be changing ... that in and of itself is hard for me. But then there's one friendship that is particularly precious that is changing such dramatic fashion that feels like grieving a death. It's over the course of miles and so there are days that can pass without having to face it ... but not really. Everyday as I have my quiet time and begin to pray for those who are dear to me her face flutters by my heart and the hurt wells up ... daring me to look at it for more than a moment and not be overwhelmed by it.

I'm finishing a Bible Study tomorrow ... more change. No consistency or accountability is not good for me. I need that kind of setting to keep me on track in my Walk ... What does that say about me? I care more about what other people think than just simply being accountable to God for spending time with Him ... which btw- I do love, but somehow get sidetracked from when push comes to shove and things get busy!

My husband is in the remodeling/house building business ... we survived the initial hit on the economy. But things are beginning to catch up to us. I think I'll just leave it at that, but I am feeling very out of control in this area.

Sleep and fewer horomones (or more?) ... surrender ... that might help. ahem ... surrender ... that hits my heart hard but true.