Repost ... contentment ... the tests keep coming until the mastery is complete ...
On the way to school this morning K-Love encouraged us to think on our "word" ... last year I was more deliberate about a word that I focused on ... I got distracted this year, never followed through on my commitment and didn't complete and trade prayer cards, did really seek the Lord for a word or concept for the year. Initially, I was convicted by it, but just like every other sin ... whether it is a deliberate sin or a sin of omission (one I fail to do that I know God has called me to do) ... I just put it away. And it remained unconfessed sin.
On Sunday, Scott called us to examine our lives ... I had to confess some unforgiveness over several issues ... it was the big thing in my heart that I felt like I had to lay down to be able to approach Communion with a clean heart. I realized on the way in ... regardless of whether I was to trade cards with anyone else ... I knew this was a practice the Lord had called me to ... and I ignored the fact that He wanted me to use the task to do some self-reflection. This morning I realized that I hadn't done it. I've wandered through the first four(seven in the current repost) months of the year, seeking to fulfill a ministry, doing a daily quiet time (relatively faithfully), attending church regularly, requesting prayers as needs lay me low ... but I have not sought the Father's heart for what it is He wants to do in me this year ... or this month ... or this week ... or this day.
Conviction. Because I texted these very words yesterday in a fit ... and it was quite literally a fit! A dear friend said to me "Amy, I believe the Lord has u!" and my response was that I believe He has me, but I'm not at all sure what He's trying to accomplish right now ... and it hurts.
At several points yesterday I in some exasperation, asked Him just that. "What are you trying to accomplish here?"
How could I possibly know what it is He is trying to accomplish if I don't ask ... and somehow, even in my less than active listening state, He spoke.
I also sent a text yesterday that I am ready for Deliverance.
In the midst of more crazy stuff yesterday, my attitude sunk. I wished for escape. I was confronted by the sinfulness of that! I was reminded of parents who hoped and prayed to watch their children grow ... and the Lord placed them in my path today ... and those 3 precious children exited a van that a mama, whom the Lord called home, wanted to be driving ... occupied by a husband who lay in bed alone last night and does it on his own everyday. I was overwhelmed.
I had to confess my selfishness. I've spent far too many days lately wanting to do what I wanted to do. Wanting to not have to do the hard thing over and over.
I walked into a conversation with someone I work with saying ... "I feel so convicted ... I look around so often and say 'I wish ... I want .. Why can't I have ...'
and really I just had to walk away because I know in my heart I've been there for too many days in the past few months.
I had to confess my greed. Money is tight right now. And it isn't that I want extravagant things. But I want things I do not have the resources to have right now.
I opened a book and the chapter title is the emptier, fuller life ... and again ... I am humbled. How much emptiness will the Lord have to force upon me before I turn out my pockets, full of hidden sins and selfish desires, willing to be content with what He has so graciously provided?? Will I take them out as they are and offer them ... or will I demand to be forced.
My word for the year ... I thought it was going to be Deliverance.
I wanted it to be ... and then I was reminded ... ask.
Lord, what do you want my word to be?
Contentment ...
"Really Lord?"
"Yes ..."
"Lord, I can't even go to __________ without it causing upheaval ... I need to go to the __________ ... "
"I want you to learn, Contentment."
Phil 4:12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.
oh and 13 ... I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me ...
through Christ ...
He will strengthen ...
me.
On Sunday, Scott called us to examine our lives ... I had to confess some unforgiveness over several issues ... it was the big thing in my heart that I felt like I had to lay down to be able to approach Communion with a clean heart. I realized on the way in ... regardless of whether I was to trade cards with anyone else ... I knew this was a practice the Lord had called me to ... and I ignored the fact that He wanted me to use the task to do some self-reflection. This morning I realized that I hadn't done it. I've wandered through the first four(seven in the current repost) months of the year, seeking to fulfill a ministry, doing a daily quiet time (relatively faithfully), attending church regularly, requesting prayers as needs lay me low ... but I have not sought the Father's heart for what it is He wants to do in me this year ... or this month ... or this week ... or this day.
Conviction. Because I texted these very words yesterday in a fit ... and it was quite literally a fit! A dear friend said to me "Amy, I believe the Lord has u!" and my response was that I believe He has me, but I'm not at all sure what He's trying to accomplish right now ... and it hurts.
At several points yesterday I in some exasperation, asked Him just that. "What are you trying to accomplish here?"
How could I possibly know what it is He is trying to accomplish if I don't ask ... and somehow, even in my less than active listening state, He spoke.
I also sent a text yesterday that I am ready for Deliverance.
In the midst of more crazy stuff yesterday, my attitude sunk. I wished for escape. I was confronted by the sinfulness of that! I was reminded of parents who hoped and prayed to watch their children grow ... and the Lord placed them in my path today ... and those 3 precious children exited a van that a mama, whom the Lord called home, wanted to be driving ... occupied by a husband who lay in bed alone last night and does it on his own everyday. I was overwhelmed.
I had to confess my selfishness. I've spent far too many days lately wanting to do what I wanted to do. Wanting to not have to do the hard thing over and over.
I walked into a conversation with someone I work with saying ... "I feel so convicted ... I look around so often and say 'I wish ... I want .. Why can't I have ...'
and really I just had to walk away because I know in my heart I've been there for too many days in the past few months.
I had to confess my greed. Money is tight right now. And it isn't that I want extravagant things. But I want things I do not have the resources to have right now.
I opened a book and the chapter title is the emptier, fuller life ... and again ... I am humbled. How much emptiness will the Lord have to force upon me before I turn out my pockets, full of hidden sins and selfish desires, willing to be content with what He has so graciously provided?? Will I take them out as they are and offer them ... or will I demand to be forced.
My word for the year ... I thought it was going to be Deliverance.
I wanted it to be ... and then I was reminded ... ask.
Lord, what do you want my word to be?
Contentment ...
"Really Lord?"
"Yes ..."
"Lord, I can't even go to __________ without it causing upheaval ... I need to go to the __________ ... "
"I want you to learn, Contentment."
Phil 4:12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.
oh and 13 ... I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me ...
through Christ ...
He will strengthen ...
me.
posted by Amy B @ 2:42 PM
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