I'm inbetween ...

studies which means I'm using a variety of things to try to fill the gap ...
or maybe I'm trying to avoid the continuation of the study I just finished ...

regardless ...

today I opened Jennifer Rothschild's Fresh Ground Faith devotional. My sister gave it to me after the conference she did in the fall ... it seems like a million years ago. A lot of stuff has happened between then and now ... most of it absolutely necessary. Even if it hasn't been easy or comfortable.

Here was the question posed to her ... "If you could see for just one day, what would you want to see?" and her answer was that she couldn't choose. Upon reflection, she realized that she couldn't choose because she didn't want to see for a day- she simply wanted to see!

I am in a season of wanting a similar healing.

I don't want to believe just for a day or a moment or a week at a time, I want to believe. Period.

I don't want to walk in the light of his unfailing love for a day or a moment or a week. I want to walk there. Period.

It's just too hard for that to be the case ...

because in the days and moments and weeks-
my heart is waking.

I find it to be like new skin- tender, quickly wounded and and easily bruised.

It's unfamiliar, scary, painful and I'm not figuring out how to maneuver around it readily.

Comments, actions and attitudes that used to just roll off- land-hard. I'm often shocked by sudden feelings that rise in me. And it's because 'feelings' haven't risen in some time.

Ezekiel 36:26 says ... And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart. NLT

It would appear that the stony heart is being broken up ... I need to stop throwing the rocks that are left over right now though. Before I put someone;s eye out.

I claim this healing as an answer to a prayer uttered in complete desperation!

Lord, You are Good. Your timing is perfect. Help me to receive this new heart with grace ... I feel like a toddler running amuck. Help my responsive heart to grow in Your love. amen