A seed long ago planted ...

today I went by the school for a short meeting ...

then I came home and started to get AJ's room ready to paint, redecorate and rearrange ... a whole downstairs wing will be his ... he is turning 16 this year after all ...

Today, I missed him more than I have missed him since the first 2 days he was gone. Today, I crumbled and said things like "I've lost the whole summer with him ... I regret all the days I have wasted doing nothing ... homeschooling allowed us more time ... "

I have a bad habit ... when I hit a wall that I don't know how to climb, my first reaction is to run from the Lord. It just is. I'm not proud of it. I wouldn't have even admitted it a year ago ... but the reality is ... I run. Today, I felt the spiral start. I FELT IT. So I sent a desperate text ...

"My praise music is on. I want to do this better. I want to do this different. I want to run to Him not away from Him. Where do I go from here?"

I asked the Lord, "Is he in the right place? Did we do the right thing?"

I kept cleaning ... kept moving ... found box after box ... when  came to a cardboard box I wondered if it was a keeper or could be tossed ... inside I found this note ...

What does it mean go in the whole world?



This seed was planted long ago ... in the heart of a much younger AJ ...

answered prayer ...

I'm still ready for him to be home but I am at peace.