When I Grow Up

An interesting conversation began while we were camping next week ...
most of the conversation centered around children we didn't know very well, but the query was thinking about if the children involved were actually growing into what the adults involved thought they would be ...

the only true test we had were a Great Aunt/Great Niece combination ... and Kelly the Vet is precisely what Aunt Jean expected!!

In my own mind, I played the game with the kids in our group ...

The youngest in the group is the one I know the least about ... she is certainly bright enough to follow in her  parents' footsteps ... something in the sciences ... but her platform will need to be larger!

Then there's the next youngest ... the serious one with the sweet smile ... I think she will fulfill her want to deliver babies ... her fascination with life and how it comes to be is one of those God-given curiosities ... but I can see her at an inner-city clinic or on the mission field ... or leading ladies Bible studies like her mama ... because her faith will have to be an active part of her daily walk ...

Then the older of the sisters ... sports will fit in the picture some way or another ... as a scout ... a coach ... a TV commentator ... an athletic director ... an owner of a WNBA team ... whatever ... the hallmark of her career will be a quiet faith, marked by integrity and hard work ... the diligence that takes place behind the scenes and doesn't require a pat on the back or awards ... simply the intrinsic motivation to do her best is the driving force!

Then there's the boy in the group ... he's already said  he feels called to the mission field ... and now he's spending 3 weeks there ... his interest in following the Lord has take a driver's seat over his love for sports this summer- but I can certainly see him working with FCA/InterVarsity or something of the sort ... where his love for sports, his love for the Lord, his love of people can all be combined to serve what he believe is his highest calling ... and a foreign mission field would not surprise me.

This line of thinking along with Scott's sermon on July 3 made me wonder what the Lord dreamed for me to become when I 'grew up' spiritually?

Scott wanted us to consider whether or not we've failed to keep the fire of our First Love ... you know, the way you felt about the Father when you first came to know him.

Where did the enemy high jack that spiritual child in me? Where did I get robbed??

Looking back now ... the day after I got saved, I wanted to tell someone ... a miracle in and of itself ... as a kids, all I wanted was to be invisible ... I removed all the shower-heads from the girls locker room in an effort to not have to 'group shower' ... I failed 2 projects in middle school because I couldn't find my voice even when I finally got the courage to stand up in front of the class to give a presentation ... MINOR examples of how difficult it was for me to even speak audibly ...

When I went to this loved teacher she wanted to know ... "Is this the 1st time this has ever happened to you?"

WHAT?? It took everything I had to make my way to the front, say the words to the sinner's prayer out loud the first time ... I have to do this over and over and over? Maybe I didn't do this right??? oh help me!!

and the questions began for me ... fiery questions that would be stoked into doubt by mistakes, rebellion, revelations and regret ...

All those memories flooded my mind during Scott's sermon ...

it made me mindful. Mindful of my comments. Mindful of my questions. Mindful of how my preconceived notions impact those around me ...

mindful of how quickly my questions translate as doubt in my walk.

Mindful of how we are robbed ... and how we rob those around us with out thoughtless comments.

I spent time pondering the other women sitting at lunch with me ... wondering where they'd lost their fervor? Only one of us at the table is one I would say is 'sold out' ... so what had taken the joy??

death?
disappointment?
discouragement?
disillusionment?
rejection?
abandonment?
unmet expectations?
unfulfilled dreams?
brokenness?
unforgiveness?
anger?
unloved?
unwanted?
unsaved?

really the list could go on and on and on ...

but the fact remains ... that regardless of the why the truth is ...

each one of us has in some way or another taken our eyes off Jesus.

I'm not looking to my First Lover to lavish with our attention.
I'm not looking to my First Lover to fill the needs that run deeply into the soul.

And I am being disappointed every single day ...

I have to find my 1st Love again.
I have to refocus my eyes on Jesus.
I have to hear His Voice.
I need to hear my name whispered from behind as it says in Isaiah.
I need to find my way ...
so I can walk in it.