too common

She was waiting for him to show up.Waiting to see if it would happen again. Suspecting it would but hoping beyond hope that this time, he'd come through.

Last night when she saw him at practice, he promised ... "4:30, 5:00 at the very latest. Be waiting outside on the porch. I don't want to have to deal with your mom."

It was hot outside but she waited ... at 4:30 she was there, sweat pouring down her cheeks as the clock passed 6.

Maybe it was tears.

Either way, her mud streaked face stared into the late afternoon sun.

"What time did he say he'd be here?" Mom asked as she looked impatiently at her watch. She was to take over the register at 7pm and work 'til close. She had planned to work because it was his weekend with the girls.

"He's not coming. You know he's not." her younger sister said.

"STOP saying that. He promised. He's just late. He probably just had to work over. We'll walk to his house and wait for him there. I have a key. That way you won't be late." she explained, trying to sooth the situation.

"He's not coming." the little sister said again, quietly this time and she wandered back into the tiny house.

"Shut ... Up!" 

"You'll  have to wait here. Go inside and ..."

"He said wait on the porch! He won't think we're here. "

"I'm not leaving for work with you standing out here, not knowing if he's coming or not. If he show up drunk or ..."

"He won't be drunk ... he promised."

"I cannot wait. Go into the house. Lock the door. Do not open the door if he's been drinking. Please just leave the doors locked and be quiet. I'll be home by midnight. You can't call- the phone's been cut off. If you need something, go to Mr. and Mrs. Sharp's. But it better be important!"

The 13 inch TV was on but she wasn't watching. She opened a packet of Lipton Noodle Soup and heated it on the stove. Little sister fell asleep on top of the warm dryer. She often wondered what it was about the dryer and her sister ... she would often find her curled up in a naked ball, sleeping the sleep of the dead. Hard to wake, then impossible to quiet. It always took several days before the shaking would subside, but after an hour, she had managed to get her into her panties and under a blanket on the couch. A bowl of noodles balanced on her tiny lap and red kool-aid as a chaser. Which was scarier, the glazed over look in her eyes or the shaking? Hard call ...

Looking out the front window curtains, it was apparent that night had come ... and he had not.

He was not.

Was he at the bar? The apartment? Jail? Somehow this 8 year old knew the range of possibilities as clearly as she knew every single word to every single song she ever heard on the radio. The clock said 9:00. She knew that was bed time. So, she cleaned the red kool-aid off of their tiny mouths, put the bowls in the sink, went to brush teeth and wash faces ... put her sister in the bottom bunk and found her way to the top bunk. The moon shone brightly in the window and she just talked to God like the lady at Bible School said to do ... she asked Him to take care of her Daddy. Asked Him to make him love her mommy again. Asked Him to make the shaking stop- her little sister's and the shaking that happened under her skin where no one could see. Asked Him to make the hurt stop. Asked Him to let them live in a pretty house, with new clothes that fit. Asked  Him to help them find enough pop bottles in the alley to pay for lunch next week.

Soon enough, sleep overtook the words filling her head.

Next thing she knew ...

Mom was asleep in her bed.

Morning had come. 

But he had not.