There are a couple of things that beg a blog ...

areas in which God is moving that just make me excited to see what He is going to do!

One involves letting go of what was ... and what was is toxic. So it ought not be that hard to let go of ... but God is showing how this toxic vein of hurt is impacting many aspects of my life. And He's asking me to let go of some tangible things ... and some more abstract ideas.

The most obvious tangible thing I've had to let go of is my gray sweatshirt. Not all of them ... but the one that I run to when I'm scared, when I'm spent ... the one I've cried a million tears into the sleeve of when there was NOONE around ... the one I believed was akin to Harry Potter's invisibility cloak ... and allowed me to fade into the background of most every situation, only coming out if I chose to open my mouth. (my mouth would be the antithesis of an invisibility cloak and I know that's true!!!!)

Yesterday I cut off one sleeve cuff ... this morning another. I have a plan for most of the rest of it ...

you would have thought I was cutting off my own hand! It was really hard ... I had committed to do it to the Lord, had planned to do it, sorta promised a piece to someone ... but as the moment came - I found myself trying to concoct something to give in the place of the promised surprise ... and realized as I did that I was really trying to go back on something I'd promised Jesus. I KNOW THIS SEEMS SILLY. But my fall back was that sweatshirt .... it was my security. And taking it a part is my deliberate attempt to stop going back to my fall back ... and starting to depend upon the ONLY ONE that I can fall into. I want Jesus to be my ONE AND ONLY. Seriously ... what was I thinking? That there was something mystical about that piece of thread-bare fabric that could protect me that the Almighty, Sovereign God, Creator of the Universe could not? REALLY? And  yet, I would sit in a variety of venues with that thread-bare fabric, believing the lie that it was keeping me safe. It allowed me to fade into the background AND more importantly, that it was okay to feel that way, even if it wasn't the truth. 

Today I've wondered if I will regret it. There's a part of me that knows that I will miss it! I just will. But I've take steps to keep myself from falling back to something that doesn't fill.