In this place ...

I'm in this place ... a place where my heart and mind are coming to the answers that God's calling me toward more readily than ever before. But my flesh is still in the place of habitual reaction.

When I'm angry- I want to lash out.
            Christ is calling me to patience.

When I'm feeling like I want to disappear- I want my gray sweatshirt.
            Christ is calling me to be the woman he created me to be.

When I'm hurt- I want to shut down emotionally. Hurt is too hard.
             Christ is calling me to depend on His sufficiency even in the hard stuff.

Funny, it isn't so hard to initially to have patience, to be the woman He's calling me to be or depend on Him ... it's lingering in His presence long enough for Him to do the real work. The work that comes in the moments after the crisis has passed. The very moment that I think I can handle it on my own. But in truth- I can not.

He's called me to change. Not mask behavior. I can't change without Him. I'm finding more and more that I am just nothing without Him.