Ever have a season ...

where the lessons come almost faster than you can assimilate them? I'm writing, journaling, scratching on note paper, texting myself, telling one particular friend ... as quickly as I can so that I don't miss something.

Friday was a hard day ... I think I've said that once. By the time I lay my head onthe pillow at 9:45pm ... I fell asleep saying this in a desperate prayer, "Lord, if you want me to go tomorrow morning, You're going to have to wake me up. I can not bare to wake up to an alarm tomorrow morning. Can I please just sleep tonight?"

You see, often, chaos attacks my sleep first. And so I do not remember another thing after the first tear hit my pillow. I don't know when AJ went to bed, I have no idea when Randy came to bed ... I didn't dream. I'm not sure I even moved from the spot- and my pillow was drenched as if I'd cried silently through the whole night ...

but at 6:45 my eyes flew open. I was rested ... but to tell you the truth, I did not want to go to the ladies meeting ... and I didn't want to go alone.
My toddler like discourse begins ...

Haven't heard from Jena. It's her church, why would I go if she isn't going Lord?
Um, it's My church. You should go because I woke you up to go this morning.

I don't want to go alone. I went to church alone last week- sat all alone while Randy stayed home and did what he wanted to do. Why can't I stay home and do what I want to do.
You won't be alone. I'll be there. It needs to be enough that I'll be there. But, you won't be alone.

Fine. I'll get up.
Don't be hateful.

Eye roll ... (I'm such a baby)

I shower, dress and I'm blowing my hair dry when it happens.

Lord, I really don't want to go by myself.

Jena texts- she's really not going.

Do you not care that I don't want to go by myself?

Sherry texts and she's there.

Okay, I get it.
I don't think you do.

I'm going. Isn't that what you want? (hope you can hear childish tone of voice)
No, what I want is your obedience. I want you to do what I've asked you to do.

Why do you want me to go?
It doesn't matter why I want you to go. I want you to go because you know I want you to go. I woke you like you asked me to ... you won't be there alone.

I'm going to be late.
It doesn't matter. go ... Amy, if you will learn to be obedient to me, I will open blessings to prosper you that you can not imagine. I have a plan for you.


and even though I still don't really want to go, I start out. encouragement comes as I travel. I still don't want to go.

I got there just before the "program" began. The message was out of Psalm 1:1-4.
There's that word again- prosper- I know it's from the Lord beause that isn't even a word that's common i my vocabulary. And there it is again.

Obedience. Time in the Word. Trust. Deep Roots.

Lord, help me to step into Your light and see the places that need healing ... and shine Your light into the dark places of my heart where Ineed to be obedient.