Tuesday, April 21, 2009

What a way to start the day ...
realization ... contemplation ... conviction ... confession ...where are the days of just laying around watching Little Bear with my favorite little guy!?!There's a section in the Sledge book (I can't help but calling it my sludge book in my head) that talks about how in the dysfunctional family, the children don't know what normal looks like. They learn to adapt to their surroundings to survive ... read the situation and produce what's called for ...that's me in a nutshell. For years, Randy would say, "How can you be one person here and one person there and another person in this place ... and they all seem REAL? There was a measure of pride in that, I like that I can fit into most situations without much difficulty. But I'm coming to realize that in my 'fitting in' I've started to lose who I really am. Now, don't misunderstand me ... this isn't some feminist search for 'who am I' or a selfish inwardly focused moment where I think I've lost myself to my family and I've become discontent. But I've lost sight of what I enjoy, what I want to do, what I need ... because I don't know.I want to know who I am IN CHRIST. What has He created me for ... where do I fit into His plan.But here's the cool thing I learned today ... when I was saying, "I don't know what normal looks like. What does a normal parent child relationship look like? What does a normal husband wife relationship look like? What is normal? This was the advice of my counselor ... find some Godly women, men, couples ... folks who are clearly bearing fruit. Sit around them, be in Bible Study with them, Fellowship with them ... take your basket and gather their fruit.Thanks for being the fruit-bearers!