I've been asking the Lord lately ...

to help me step into the Light so he can expolse the places that need heling in my heart. And sometimes I don't know if I realize what I'm asking for ...

you see, what I really wanted was for Him to just fix it. In my heart- that's what I wanted. But what I asked for was for the hurt places to be exposed ... and thus, the previous posting. Though I didn't know it at the time. In fact, I started twice to go back and delete the "too common" post. But I couldn't.

And then, yesterday morning came.

During my quiet time, I was going through my prayer cards, Randy, AJ, Cam, Jena, Rachel, Alli, Amy, Brad, Jake, Maggie, Curt, Sandy ... and the Lord seemed to be nudging me saying, "Ask me" ... and I resisted. But He had my attention. I "finished" my typical quiet time, but continue to mull the whole thing around in my mind. And again I clearly heard Him speaking to my heart, "Ask Me precicous girl" ... and so I texted a friend- My question was this ... when you pray, do you pray for what you want? And in the mean time, while you wait for His answer, how do you posture yourself? How do you wait? Her response was that she does pray expecting ... and stands back and waits for Him to answer her. Often He answers in ways that far exceed her heart's desire. And sometimes He gives her the stupid things she thinks she wants, so she'll know she didn't really want them.

It made me stop and really think about why I approach the Lord with such a tentative heart. I pray boldly- for other people. I have no problem approaching the Throne when it's for anyone else. But really ... I am quite careful about what I ask for myself. And as the day continued yesterday ( in which my keys were misplaced and I was forced to stay home for the day) ... the Lord again spoke to my heart and sent me back to the "too common" entry. He seemed to be saying, "I'm not that kinda Dad. If I've promise you something. I'm going to show up."

Yesterday proved to be trying and full of disappointment. It required quick prayer and much intervention from the Holy Spirit ... and I really needed a Daddy to turn to and ask for help. Today wasn't much better ... and several times I was overwhelmed with the sense that I just needed someone to turn to ... someone who would be the safety net- someone who would rescue me as the waves grow higher and higher ...

and this evening-

I have this interesting peace that He's got it under control.

And He's not going to let me down.