On This Day Before Valentiine's Day

I am reminded again that it is essential that we think more highly of others than of ourselves ... that our actions match our words ...

Philippians 2:3(The Message)
Don't push your way to the front; don't sweet-talk your way to the top. Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead.

I John 3:18-20
My dear children, let's not just talk about love; let's practice real love. This is the only way we'll know we're living truly, living in God's reality. It's also the way to shut down debilitating self-criticism, even when there is something to it.

One of the things that I struggle with most in life is people who say things that they don't really mean. I know what it comes from ... it comes from years of waiting on my dad to show up when he said he would ... I know that because it's the same feeling ... it starts as sad, it moves to fear that something happened (my slight OCD rears its head), to almost always finding out all was well, to utter embarrassment for believing again, to a brief period of anger ... to last night and managing to stuff my heart back into my body, off my sleeve, Vowing to never believe again.

But this morning I realize, once again, that isn't even possible. You see, I desperately want to believe ... and so I am resolved to be more aware of the things I say. If I say it ...

IS IT TRUE?? Are my words honest, reliable, meaningful ... or am I saying them in a moment of emotion that leads to a declaration on which I am not even able to follow through? Maybe it just makes me look good in front of my peers or the group or it just buys me influence with someone. Or, maybe I mean it at the time, but inevitably something else becomes more important.

IS IT NECESSARY?? Am I just throwing around words because they make me or someone else "feel good" or "look good"? You know, I am quick with words. Several years ago I became convicted that I was using hurtful words carelessly - borne out of sarcasm and a lack of care for their impact on someone else's heart. I am becoming just as aware that if I just throw around idle words ... even if they are sweet, kind and full of good intention, but lack action ... they can be even more damaging. At least with hurtful words, people see your intent ... when your words build hope that is dashed - it is a dangerous place.

I teach ... and all the time I see the fallout from students who say they are friends and then behave in a manner that doesn't line up with that statement. Earlier in the week, I spent an hour with a mama in tears because her daughter's friend, "her bestie" as the mama sarcastically proclaimed, left her waiting for lunch, only to find that she had chosen a new seat with the more "popular set" ... this young woman is torn. Torn by knowing that we all have choices to make ... but completely baffled by the fact that only the day before that same setting had caused tears for the friends. Knowing that she would have not done the same thing ... not even wanting to do the same thing ... but left in her mama's office wondering what's wrong with her. And once again, life proves to her that she is just too smart and too sensitive for her own good.

In life, I see the same behavior in adult friends. It is no less painful ... I have watched the pain of a dear friend- devastated by words that are spoken and breed hope- consistently break her heart.

I see parents who declare love for children and yet fail to exhibit that in a way that is consistent with what love should look like.

I see administrators who tout their great love for children yet show bias and favoritism because of who knows what.

I see spouses behave in ways that breed insecurity and insignificance in the one they promised to cherish.

People are listening to what we say.

People are listening to what I say.

They are paying more attention to what we do.

Fair or not, actions do speak more loudly than words. I don't know if this was anymore true at any other time in our history ... after all, we have easier access to words than we have ever had. We live in the world when words take precious little effort ... between Tweets, Facebook, Text and email ... we throw around words like they are Obama dollars ... and their value is waning in much the same way that the American dollar is waning. It just isn't the same as when we had to go to the trouble to take a piece of paper, set pen to paper, construct a well-structured thought, put it in an envelope, address it to a specific recipient, stamp it, deliver it to the post office and wait for it to reach its destination ... it wasn't really convenient to throw around compliments or condemnation then ... so we weighed our words value and determined whether it actually was worth our time ... which in turn gave the opportunity to determine if they ever leapt into being.

I can buy a thousand Valentine's that wax poetic ... declare my love ... promise my devotion ...

but if my actions do not follow those declarations, then they really are not worth the paper they are printed on ... let alone the $4 that you paid for it trying to convince some-one that some-thing ... is real.

Now I agree that the only person who can never fail us, let us down, abandon us ... is Jesus. True, valid, proven ... scriptural.

But we have a responsibility.

... esteem others more highly than ourselves ...
... don't sweet talk your way to the top ...
... let's not just talk about love, let's show love ...

The scripture that tells us that Jesus will never leave nor forsake us not more reliable or important that these scriptures.

So I find myself in this place of deciding once again that I also lend as much credence to

I Corinthians 13:5 (The Amplified Bible)

5 It is not rude. It does not look out for its own interests. It does not easily become angry. It does not keep track of other people's wrongs.

And I am called to forgive. Even when someone doesn't recognize what they did was wrong or hurtful. Even when I don't want to admit that what someone did was hurtful.

And I leave myself open before the Lord asking, is there someone I have hurt with my lack of action?