out of time outs

I'm sitting watching the NBA finals with my men ...

the announcer just said that Dallas is "out of time outs"

In a little girl voice in my head that I have not heard in a while I asked Jesus,

"Do I have any time outs left??:"

I need a time out. I need a moment.

I want very much to be transformed
     but my heart is just in a spin. A twist at time. I 'feel' things intensely right now and have very little ability to release those feelings in any productive way. I find myself desperately wishing I could cry a deep, air sucking when it's over sob ... and yet the emotion gives way to flat lined exterior covering over the turmoil within.

I want to say YES when the Lord calls
     but I hear so many things right now ... I know of an area of disobedience in my life and yet it is disobedience that I don't know quite how to execute the obedience! I want to be radical in my obedience ... I'm trying to learn what things that run through my mind are the voice of the Father ... I just want to be sure.

I need a time out ... a time out from voices ... a time out from expectations ... a time out from because the enemy has been on a run for about 6 weeks ... a time out from going it on my own ...

so tonight I'm asking for a time out Lord ... I feel like I need to get my feet under me ... it's like I'm off kilter ...

last night when I lay down my legs jerked and twitched ... like I was aching to go ... and I am stifled.