I woke at 5am

I just haven't been sleeping well.

Maybe it's the combination of

 not enough physical activity...

the AC upstairs isn't working

about 2//3 of the time ...

I ate onions on my burger last night ...

and AJ's passport arrived yesterday.

My Bible is in the car

so is Jesus Calling

Knowing I needed

to get my head straight first thing

I grabbed

Breaking Free Day by Day

"All our lives God retains
the strong feeling toward us
that infants evoke in their parents
because He never has to let us go!
He is not rearing us
to leave home.
He is rearing us
to come home. "

The line that said "strong feeling
toward infants" made me go back.

And the morning's search began!

There was a cassette that AJ and I
listened to every single night
of his little life until he was about 8.
My nieces and nephew
have all fallen to sleep
to the sounds of simple melodies
and profound Truth.

The fact that I easily
placed my hands on the cassette
was a sign that God really did
have something for me to hear
on it!!

The addition that my niece responded
to my text which said,
"I just found AJ's Bless My Baby
Boy cassette. You know I prayed
those blessings over every one of you
as we cuddled in AJ's big bed together!
I love you and I'm praying for you today."

with her own text,
"I love you too
Auntie A ...
I have been looking for that
everywhere! I want it for my kids."

and caused further snot slinging tears to fall.

This must be hormonal!

As the tape began to play
the Lord reminded me
that I had made some promises ...
that He has been preparing
my heart for this for many years ...
that He has a plan ...

The CD would start light hearted ...

Itty Bitty Baby Boy ... Daddy's dream, mama's joy ...

on to

Drip drop drip drop
upon the house top
pitter patter pitter patter
on the window pane
tap tap tap
fall asleep on my lap
as we rock to the rhythm
of the falling rain (Tisha's favorite)

to

Peek a boo baby ...
I love you ...

and then the songs of life long blessing would begin ...

It is written



in God’s word


that sons are a heritage


from the Lord


and little children


are his reward,


you are a gift from God
 
And so I would sing this
 
while I place him to my breast ...
 
that song would feed into the next ...
 
There are 3 things that will remain



3 Thing that will never never change



These things will always stay the same

 Faith hope and love


Faith will make you able to please the Lord each day


Hope will help your heart to know that God will make a way


Love will be the greatest gift for love will see you through.

And while I sang those words over AJ

Jesus sang them over me.

Then I would sing of his future wife ...

There may come a day



When you may long to say


You’ll be forever true


To a very special girl


Who brings joy into your world


Now I pray


I Pray that woman shines like a diamond in your mind


And may the love you find keep two hearts as one for a life time.
 
And told myself the lie
those days wouldn't be here
for a lifetime.
 
it seems like yesterday
 
Then, like clockwork, we would switch sides ...
and the final songs would play ...
 
today I was reminded ...
 
 
It is written



in God’s word


that sons are a heritage


from the Lord


and little children


are his reward,


you are a gift from God
------------------------------------------------
Lord I dedicate



Yes I consecrate


My son unto you


For your purposes


for your perfect plan


For all the things you’ll have him do


Lord I give back to you

this child you have given me


For he belongs to you


He’s just a loan of love


A gift from above


And I give him back to you



Lord he belongs to you


He’s a loan of love


A gift from above


And I give him back to you.



I remember the very day

my heart sang it instead of just my mouth ...

I remember the smile on his face

and the milk that poured from

the sides of that perfect little smile

as he latched tightly

onto my body

my tears dripped onto his face.

The ones that were pleading silently

not let me hold on for a little while.

The ones that found a depth

in my soul that I did not know existed.



I promised You Lord.

I won't go back on it.

I want AJ to be your man

help me to know when to hang on

and when to let go.

Nicaragua seems so far away ...

I wonder if earth seemed far away when
you sent Jesus here?

The pitter patter these days
are those same tears ...
pleading for comfort
for the prayer you have faithfully answered.