Testimony

Revelation 12:11 says, " They overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death."

last night was small group ... I really didn't think I was going to be there. Honestly, I just didn't feel like it. AJ having homework gave me an easy out. I had a ton of stuff that needed doing. A ton! I went to Wal-mart for the first time in what seems like a month. I have groceries for a week if I'm careful! I took apart the bulk packages of meat, re-packaged them, put them in the freezer. Prepped chicken for supper. Got together rice and broccoli ... mopped my floor, cleaned my counters, loaded the dishwasher, made tea for my men ... and there was just enough time to get to church. I was left with no excuse really.

Funny thing is ...

I love this small group ... real people. real life. real needs. real interest. real care. real God.

Initially when they started talking about the topic for the week I wondered why I was there ... notes from the men's conference. Randy wasn't with  me ... just what I wanted- one more message about being a good man to frustrate me (yeah, I know, crummy attitude) ... but they talked about just what I needed to hear ...

The enemy is a deceiver. DECEIVER. I hate being deceived. I hate finding I am the victim of a liar. I hate being made to look foolish. I hate feeling like I've fallen for the line. And yet I find myself victim to the enemies schemes over and over. He renders me silent like every other perpetrator in my life and I'm tired of it.

The remedy? Put on the full armor of God. The full armor. Every ... day ... every ... piece.

Eph 6:10-17 (NIV) ...Be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armour of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armour of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled round your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.


I hate that I'm pretty sure that I looked like there was much on my heart. I was silent ... not by choice, it comes over me like a tarp, choking words at my throat and threatening to expose things in me that are not the picture I want others to see. Words that make me vulnerable and exposed ...

words that speak my testimony.

And then came the Word that the Lord had prepared for me last night ...

Do you have the courage to let the Lord write your testimony?

He's asked me to walk through a moment in time that I do not want to walk through. Since I have acknowledged my desire and His Call to write these God Stories: Testimonies of His People from the Bubble ..  The enemy has struck and the Lord has allowed some serious attacks. I have no control over anything ... seriously ... my job, my finances, my marriage, my son, my friendships, my health ... it really feels like things are flying by at such a frenetic pace that I can't even adjust my eyes quickly enough to catch a glimpse let alone pause long enough to appreciate what has transpired and get a grasp on how to proceed.

But Anita's words rang so true last night, I knew when heard them. And I knew it was the place that I have to start. I can't ask others to allow me the privilege of helping them commit their testimonies to paper if I don't first commit mine to paper.

Even as I type right this very second ... Kari Jobe's song You Are For Me ...

You fill me, You see me ... You know my every move ... You love for me to sing to You ...

I know that you are for me, I know that you are for me,  I know that you will never forsake me in my weaknesses, I know that you have come down even if to write upon my heart, to remind me who you are ... 

He wants me to write not for you ... whoever you are reading this right now, but for Him ... the purpose is to remind me (and hopefully others along the way) of Who He Is ...

faithful, constant, loving, true, powerful in all He does, filling me, seeing me, knowing my every move ...

my every move.

Past moves.
Present moves.
Future moves.

My testimony.

patient, gracious, merciful, true, so wonderful in all He does, He fills me, He sees me ...

My testimony.

Never forsake me in my weaknesses ...

not one God Story that He has written in my life is born out of my strength.

Every one is written in my weaknesses.

Revelation 12:11 says, " They overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death."

I've loved my life too much ... I've been consumed by doing this "right" and been paralyzed by the truth that my life doesn't reflect the pretty stories of marital bliss, financial success, easy relationships and accomplishments.
My life reflects everyday, down in the trenches, wrestling with God over past, present and future, trying to be who He's called me to be, refusing to do nothing, helpless to say no to the need, loving more deeply than my heart feels safe in doing and sometimes paying the price for every one of those truths. But everyday reaping the benefits of doing the hard thing.

And e.v.e.r.y.s.i.n.g.l.e.d.a.y. loving Jesus more.

Even on days when I don't know how it's going to work out.
Even on days when I don't like how it's going to turn out.

So will I have the courage to let Him write my testimony? Yes.

What does that mean? Letting the truths of my life, my circumstances become fully bathed in His Grace, His Mercy, His Sufficiency for His Glory

How do I start? For me, I start here for this day. Because it speaks not to the first time I heard God speak ... but the first time as an adult I allowed my heart to surrender. Some have read this before. But it's where the Lord began to peel back the lid on my heart. It's in the rest of the story, after the writing of this piece that work began in earnest to surrender my whole heart to Him. And here because it's where I am being called today.

How long will it take? I have no I idea how long this journey will take ... but I'm tired of being silent. It robs me of my testimony. It robs Him of His Glory. It doesn't give Him any room to make my life more than chaos. And I will choose to believe that He can make sense of all the chaos in my life.

I am excited to take you on this journey with me!