Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Sometimes i wonder ...
why I feel like I have to talk my way through every problem.sometimes I talk to myselfsometimes I talk to someone who isn't really theresometimes I have conversations in my head i wish i could have in real lifesometimes I talk to a real persontoday I came to one conclusion ... I talk because eventually, I get around to something that makes sense.And today, finally I found a couple of things that made sense.I was explaining to Cindy that I've felt the need to 'explain' why I'm having to 'do this again' and I realized that I'm not really doing it again. The first times I was dealing with all of it in a manner which looked like someone else's story (the whole 3rd person thing from the other day). This time, I feel drawn to making this about my story. MY story. It seems important. In fact, it seems like I have no choice. Almost as if my life depends upon it.And, after thinking on that for a while after leaving her office, I had another thought ... maybe, just maybe doing this over and over again, integrating a little of me into it at a time is what's allowed me to not be completely overwhelmed. Maybe it's been the Lord's protection and not anything I've failed to do completely or correctly or that I'm wallowing in ...maybe it's the journey I'm supposed to be on.