A few thoughts on being a mama

I've heard it said that becoming a mama means you have to risk having your heart walk around outside of your body ... and there is much truth in that.

As Mother's Day approaches this year, I am in awe of how I can love this man-child, who is more man than child anymore, so much that it hurts. Even knowing how painfully close the time is when I will be required to release him into the world- I am overwhelmed by the joy that swells within me as simply sits outside reading, takes the court or the field and stands next to me in worship lifting his deep voice to the Lord.

You see only days into his life I laid his little body in the rocking chair we loved most, kneeled beside him, placed my hands upon his little chest ... thanked the Lord with only sobs of gratitude ... and promised Jesus that if He would guard his heart from the years of stuff Randy and I had brought into our marriage ... that I would faithfully teach AJ to love Jesus and that I would never stand in the way of whatever He called AJ to do.

Well- AJ loves Jesus. He knows Him. He trusts Him. He believes He has a plan for his life- believes the Lord has a call on his life. 

This Mother's Day, I want to sit next to him. I want to brush his hair out of his face. I want scratch his back until he arches like a cat and puts his bottom lip out silently pleading "just a little more mama"! I want to hear him say "I love you" and smile that smile that melts my heart.

I want to walk into his room in the still of the morning, while he still rests peacefully ...

I want to kneel next to his long man body, place my hands on his chest and pray ...

Lord Jesus,

Thank you for the honor and privilege of being this boy's mama. Thank you for entrusting him to me. Thank you for choosing him for me. Thank you for every single time I heard my name called out first thing in the morning and last thing at night. Thank you for every single hug. Thank you for every game of "my bite" ... "the three mice" ... "right, wrongs and reasons" as we drove in the car. Thank you for belly laughs and cries that could be calmed by being in my arms. Thank you for early morning walks, lizards, blueberries and fishing in the cove. Thank you for a million baseballs hit, a million passes for a lay ups, free throws and 3 pointers. Thank you for the years that I could keep up and guard him ... and for the joy on his face the first time he beat me and knew I didn't let him. Thank you for letting me introduce him to You. Thank you for his ability to ask questions. Thank you for his love for family. Thank you that he needed me when I needed for him to ... and that now he is quite comfortable in his own skin. Thank you for every year that we homeschooled and the blessing of hours to enjoy being together. Thank you for being so sweet to us in this transition period and bringing friends around to make it easier. Thank  you for the years in the pop-up when we squeezed in tight and learned to enjoy the company of one another. Thank you for the trip to IL when he learned to ride his bike. Thank  you for the trips to the Liberty Bell and Mount Rushmore that helped him to see how blessed we are to be Americans. Thank you that he is tall, thin and handsome- and doesn't seem to know it. Thank you that he trusts my friend- it blesses me to know he has a safe place to turn to outside of our little family. Thank you that he is kind- one of the kindest boys I have ever known. Thank you that he is honest with me about how he feels ... good and bad. Thank you that he knows he is safe in my heart ... and his name is safe in my mouth. Thank you for every camping trip. Thank you for every dinner out. Thank you for his ability to think and perform academically. Thank you for every friend that fills the brother/sister gap I couldn't.  Thank you for each moment of being a mommy that has taught me more about being a daughter. Thank you that every time I realize that I love him more, than I am equally aware of how much more I can believe You love me ... and how the increase in my love for you because of being a mom. Thank you for his heart. Thank you for his passion for your people. Thank you for the passion he has for the lost. Thank you for his friends. Thank you for his teachers and mentors. Thank you for his daddy! And thank you for being his Daddy!

Thanks for my fella. I love him so.