Punishment or Provision

the Jonah study I am doing now has ... as always is the case ... caused me to look at my life differently at a the "problems" that present themselves in my life.

It started slowly ... looking into the lives of others and thinking ... how could this be like the Big Fish that God sent to rescue Jonah during his season of disobedience.

The first time it happened was last week ... as I was praying for a young friend in Indiana. My heart is burdened for her soul. She is struggling in her marriage ... struggles in her relationship with her father ... struggles to have close friendships ... and as I sat across from her two weeks ago, every mama fiber in my being wanted to make it all better for her. And on her behalf I was asking Jesus to please help her to feel more loved ... make her marriage better ... make her relationship with her dad better ...

and it was then that my heart was reminded of Jonah's provision. Perhaps ... just maybe, the lack that she felt ... the lack that is real ... maybe that lack would be the very thing that leads her on a path that finds her searching for the only thing that will really fill the God-sized void in her life.

All of a sudden, I stopped being mad at her dad for not loving her the way she needs him to ... I stopped wanting to choke her husband for not treasuring her the way she needs him to ... and I started being ... excited. Excited because I felt as if I had glimpsed into the possibility ...

I don't know how God will use this time in her life. I don't know that she will choose to allow Him to be Lord and Savior. But I see this trial as an opportunity for Jesus to come to her rescue ... and that is precisely what she has been looking for her whole life!

And then was faced with the reality that if I am going to look into the circumstances of others and see the opportunity for God to work in their circumstances, then, really, I have no choice but to allow God to work in the circumstances of my own life in equal measure. It was a truth that covered my heart like a warm blanket on a cold day ... and rest settled on my soul.

All of sudden, nothing had to make sense. Nothing required an explanation. The reality that in the midst of every kind of circumstance God can take the brokenness and use it to bring about good ... it didn't need an explanation. It became Truth. it wasn't something I was trying to convince my heart to buy into or believe .. I felt it.

Now, I wish that I could say that as the truth of it settled over me, I was changed without requiring confirmation. But the truth is, that until Scott spoke the words he did on Sunday morning and tears stung my eyes and spilled over ... I hadn't even fully allowed the truth to form into sentences my mind could construct ... but today in Jesus calling ... "living in dependence on Me, learning to appreciate the tough times" ... the word that swept over me was embrace ...

Oh Lord, embrace ... help me to embrace what you have for me!