They read like that wonderful Maurice Sendak book ...

Where The Wild Things Are.

These things we call relationships.

Marriages, Parent/Child, Siblings, Extended Family, Intimate Friendships and Acquaintances alike require attention.

In my own life lately there's been some sailing in and out of days that has caused the monsters to roar their terrible roars and gnash their terrible teeth.

And honestly, I wish someone would send me to bed without any supper just because it would give me time to think!

But looking across my life the past few months I realize how chaotic things have become.

My husband is not being attended to the way he likes. Right or wrong- life goes better at my house when his needs are met. Part of my sailing in and out of days and doing some things I want has left me with a ... "let him fend for himself attitude". Hmmm ... God-honoring? I think not.

In the parent/child area- well AJ and I are doing pretty well. Communication is high and time is precious. We really do see ourselves as being on the same side of most issues ... and except for the fact that I hate when he wastes time watching the Suite Life of Zack and Cody ... I think he uses his time and resources pretty well for a 14 year old boy!

So ... maybe this is where I start to quell the roaring. Afterall, much of my house already resembles a jungle! It isn't really such a stretch to see Randy as one of the main characters!

Do you ever find your life ... shifting?

friendships, schedules, activities ... changing to mold themselves around a new life that is headed your way?

That's how I feel right now.


And for the very 1st time in my life-
I find myself excited about the changes that are about to happen.

Partly, it's because the old life wasn't working very well for us any longer.

Partly, it's because we are surrounded by such amazing people. Being even more connected to them just seems like more blessing than is possible.

But mostly, it's because it is so clear that God is opening the doors in front of us that it's easy to let it happen.

I fell asleep today with a science book in my hands- and lesson plans running through my mind.

And I slept- soundly. The kind of sleep that comes out of working your brain until it doesn't have the energy to think.

Maybe change can be good!

A funny story ... rated PG-13...

My first job out of college was teaching English to the 1st Japanese children who came with their families to work @ Denso.

I LOVED THAT JOB.

In the morning I taught 1st and 2nd graders. In the afternoon middle school.

The middle school curriculum required that they learn parts of speech and vocabulary and sentence structure ... it was okay. But there was a ton of pressure on those kids to perform quickly.

The younger kids were just fun! Hands on learning was the name of the game. Lots of experiencial lessons ... fruit salad where we learned the names of food and the words for how to cut and clean up and manage the mess! Movies and songs and every holiday was an event! There were a million things to teach those kids in english and it was amazing! Our favorite activity was our Friday morning hikes in the college woods. They learned words like walk, run, skip, jump ... throw, pick up,catch, toss and fling (using a frizbee)... the lessons were endless. On one particular Friday we set out toward the House in the Woods and the boys were wound tight! I was having a little difficulty keeping them reigned in (an interview question today prompted this memory, but I did not share it in that setting) and under control. The guys were tearing through the woods, grabbing sticks and playing swords. Ching/Ching Ching/Ching ... the japanese sword sounds ringing through the woods. I asked several times for them to stop, asked several times for them to settle down ... to no avail. They were out of control. So I got two of them by the arm and made them look at me ... took their sticks and said in a very forceful voice ... "NO MORE CHING-CHING- no more." making sword movements with my hand ... "no more"

And every stick hit the ground.

There was no more talking. They lined up. We finished our hike in almost total silence.

Something had not translated well. I'd been at the job long enough to know that there had been a communication error- but I had no idea what.

We walked back to the classroom. I handed the children off to the bus driver to take them onto school. And marched myself to the director's office to explain the situation ... and find out what in the world those boys thought I meant.

I detailed the situation in a very professional manor to Kelly. As I neared the part where I explained the boys' reaction to my directive ... laughter erupted. Kelly opted for a direct translation for my humiliation ... and then his take on what the boys were thinking ...

Direct translation: ching/ching= penis, boyish slang much like d---

What the boys thought I meant- I'm going to (with the swing motion of my hand like a sword) chop off your ...

so somewhere in Japan are 20 something men who are probably in the midst of much therapy over their english teacher's communication gap ...

ahem. I was so thankful those Japanese moms liked to laugh!

The interview ...

it had been a while since I sat knowing that my task was to convince someone I could function in a classroom.

Interviewing is, at best, an unnerving task.

But today I did just that. I took my 8 years removed from the working world self and put me on display. It was an interesting look back. From teaching english to Japanese kids (that really has to be my next blog!)... tutoring K through adults with learning disabilities @ the college ... middle school science and reading ... family literacy for pregnant and parenting teens ... and homeschooling.

It's been a ride.

Today though, I watched God take the pieces of what I once saw as a disjointed career and a dream lost and begin to restore them in a way that seems like it might just fill spaces that are shaped just for me.

He's placed amazing friends around me to encourage and cheer me on! Kids who are praying that I'll be their teacher just blows my mind! In fact, my biggest prayer has been that when the course load is given that it either remain the same or includes a precious girl that I don't want to feel left out. I would teach her class for free just to get my teaching hands around her heart. And told them as much today.

And a cooking class possibility? maybe? Really Lord, You would do that for me?

Now comes what I'm hoping will be a short wait. And some clarity for what will come next in this part of the journey.

Just pray ...

it's clear the enemy doesn't want this new opportunity to come easily. Therefore it must be worthwhile. The cost is increasing while the resolve and energy to go forth are waning.

and yet I cling to His word ...


Jeremiah 29:11-14a
11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back from captivity.

Deuteronomy 14:2
you are a people holy to the LORD your God. Out of all the peoples on the face of the earth, the LORD has chosen you to be his treasured possession.

Esther 4:14
14 For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father's family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?"

Eph 6:12
For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.

A new look ...

for this season of the journey.

Letting Go ...

A reminder for today-


For every Abraham who dares
to kiss a foreign field
where glory for a moment grasped
is for a lifetime tilled

The voice of God
speaks not but once
but 'til a traveler hears
"Abraham, Abraham! Bring your Isaac here!"

"Bring not the blemished sacrifice,
What lovest thou the most?
Look not into the distance,
you'll find your Isaac close."

"I hear the tearing of your heart
torn between to loves,
the one your vision can behold
The Other hid above."

"Do you trust me, Abraham
with your gravest fear?
Will you pry your fingers loose
and bring your Isaac here?"

"Have I not made you promises?
Hold them tight instead!
I am the Lover of your soul-
the Lifter of your head"

"Believe me, O my Abraham
when blinded by the cost.
Arrange the wooded alter
and count your gains but loss."

"Let tears wash clean your blinded eyes
until unveiled you see-
the ram caught in the thicket there
to set your Isaac free."

"Perhaps I'll send him down the mount
to walk right by your side.
No longer in your iron grasp
but safer still in mine."

"Or I may wrap him in the wind
and sweep him from your sight
to better things beyond your reach-
believe with all your might!"

"Look up, beloved Abraham.
Can you count the stars?
Multitudes will stand to reap
from one dear friend of God."

"Pass the test, my faithful one;
bow to me as Lord.
Trust me with your Isaac-
see
I am your great Reward."by Beth Moore

when I took the time to lean in ...

I heard a friend say "I'm lonely" ... and was able to respond in kind

I heard a graduating senior cry out that she does not know which way to turn, nor does she think anyone really cares ... and I was prompted to begin praying in earnest for the Lord to draw her to Himself- or the consequences will be tragic.

I heard my husband say that he thinks I don't believe in him ... and so I will make a more concentrated effort to make sure he knows I do

I heard an old friend say, "I'm not sure how to respond to you and therefore I'm going to distance myself" ... and I was able to allow that to happen graciously

I heard the laughter of boys ... and it made my heart leap

I heard the Father say ... his words aren't true no matter how loudly they were spoken. They don't match up with who I say you are ... leave them behind

Just for the record ...

you must be asking yourself ... as I so often do ...

Who the heck is proofreading for this woman?!?!

Well, for the record. No one. I've stopped proofreading what I write before I post it. It's often at least a day before I even attempt to see how the words "looked on" on the page. Pros and cons- but in the end, my post box is full of stuff that I wrote, edited over and over and then never felt like it met the standard ... and so I would become overwhelmed by the task of making it perfect ... afterall, the subject matter here isn't perfect. SOOOOOO ... I'm not running spellcheck. I'm not checking to see if I've used the right word because I then get caught up in wondering "was it really the best word" ... and I have no ability to stay within the boundaries for starting this blogging adventure once again. That means no more than one hour in front of the screen ... and preferably just 30 minutes! Not because I don't love it but because I get sucked into it far too readily!

As I rode my bike this morning (i forgot my iPod) ... I was thinking about this notion of leaning in ... the following challenge came to mind ...

what if I leaned into life with such intensity, listening with my spiritual ears tuned into the needs around me ... how in the world would I ever have time to listen to the lies the enemy is trying to make me believe about myself?

Lean in ...

those are the words the Lord has continued to speak to me over the past year.

In the never quiet places in my heart I hear Him gently calling- "Just lean into me."

In the books I read, it's confirmed over and over.

Jim Cymbala says in Fresh Faith, "He does not want me out on my own, trying to earn merit stars from Him. He wants us, rather, to lean into Him, walking with him as closely as possible. He is not so much interested in our doing as in our receiving from him.

Beth Moore writes in her book, So Long, Insecurity of a time when her husband Keith was trying to teach her how to combat the enemy (rattlesnakes) on their thorny Texas hunting property. "Aim carefully, 'Lizabeth. Now lean in steady the thing with your shoulder, and when your ready, shoot like you mean it."

In the Secret of the Lord, Dannah Gresh shows us through Psalm 25:14 "The secret of the LORD is with them that fear him; and he will shew them his covenant." i don't know about you, but when someone tells me a Secret, especially one that would be called a covenant, the only posture I can imagine is one where I am leaning in close- I wouldn't want to miss a thing He was saying.

And finally, Serita Ann Jakes challenges her readers to allow the Lord to become our secret keeper in The Princess Within. And while I want to hear what's being said when someone tells me a secret, you can bet your bottom dollar that when I'm the one telling the secret, my secret, I'm leaned in as closely as possible, and whomever is the recipient will likely have to lean right back to hear all that's being said. And even closer to hear all that isn't being said.

And so over the past year, I've been practicing. I've been trying to lean in and listen more intently. That's mean several intense Bible Studies. But more than that, some intense conversations with the Father. Questions I've been asking lately produced my weak attempt at the "fairy tale" a few days ago. I've been trying to find the root of the issues I face ... so when I asked, "why the need to hang onto the gray sweatshirt? what need does it meet? why the tendency to race back into silence? why do I let people see a mile wide and an inch deep? what property has the enemy stolen from me that's worth retrieving? what's up with the affinity for relationships that tend to be one-sided? why the desperate need for approval from someone who clearly doesn't care that much? why do I care soooo much about what other people think about me, just in general? and why the continued feelings of failure?" He answered with some painful lookiing back.

Last night as I read though, I came across something that made me lean in so closely that I fell right into the lap of my Abba Father ... After all the things Joseph endured ... in Genesis 41:50-51-It is because God has made me forget all my trouble and all my father's household." "When Joseph held the first little baby boy in his arms, he said, I will name this boy Manasseh, because God has made me forget all evil that has been done to me." Jim Cymbala, Fresh Faith.

God has made me forget ... not he's wiped out every memory, He didn't make the events okay or permissible or without consequence. But He can deliver me from the grip that the enemy has on my heart because of the evil that has been done.

Good thing for AJ that I didn't know that's what Manasseh meant when he was born! I don't think he looks like a Manny at all! But today, because My God is a Manasseh God. I will rejoice. I will believe Him for that.

So today the Father is whispering to your heart ... even if the enemy is screaming in your ear, Lean In and hear what He has to say. If it causes confusion- you're listening to the wrong voice. Lean in closer. If it condemns you rather than convicting- you're listening to the wrong voice. Lean in closer. If it tells you you're anything other than a princess of the most high King- you're listening to the wrong voice. Lean in closer. Perhaps you'll find yourself in the lap of our Heavenly Father as well.