I'm checking out for a few days ...

and doing something I have never done before.

Oh, I've escaped the difficult times of life by running away. I've contemplated far more trips than I have ever take. Most often, I've landed myself on a plaid couch in central Indiana, wounded and weary from the blows of life. The 1st 2 days are almost always spent sleeping ... with the following 2 talking late into the night.

And if the truth were known to all, if that place were exactly the same as it once was, well, I might find myself there now. Because I am battle weary. I'm feeling lost in the most familiar of places. And equally feeling the call of silence drawing me into seclusion I can not afford in this season. You see, my heart is in this strange place of seeing the amazing things of the Father and being assaulted unceasingly by the enemy. I hate that Satan knows my weak places and that they are still weak. I want to be strong because of what I have seen ... not susceptible because of what I have not yet seen.

I live a pretty visible life these days. Teacher ... wife ... mom ... friend. There's very little room for less than total confidence in what's going on ... and the truth is- I don't lack confidence or conviction or compassion. If you met me tomorrow on the street and had a need, I would confidently face you toward the Father and with great conviction I would pray with you and sincere compassion would compel me to sit a while with you as you wade through the questions of what hurts. There would be nothing fake about the exchange. 

But I need a touch from the Lord. I need Him to shore up the chinks in my armor before one of the fiery darts lands on an artery ... and I'm feeling like I am dangerously close. It's just a feeling right now, but Marisa hit it on the head a few days ago ... and I thought I better pay attention instead of just putting chewing gum in the dam.  Which is a novel approach for me ... when things don't go well, I prefer the ignore it and it will go away approach to any problem- physical, spiritual, relational ... I hate doctors and confrontation equally ... and I think there is great comfort in not knowing for sure. That's a crazy truth for someone who asks as many questions as I do ... but it's true. I can make a story in my head that hurts far less than then one that my heart knows is true as long as there is the tiniest opening.

Right now I need truth. Total ... complete ... whole ... honest ... everything on the table ... TRUTH.

And so I'm going away. I only have a couple of days. I guess almost 2 full days really. The few people I've told I'm going were told to gain perspective. I've decided that isn't quite true- it wasn't a lie at the time, but really I'm going to see if I can experience Jesus in a way that is tangible. I want Him to show me if there is sin that is keeping me from Him. I want Him to help me write a couple of letters. I Even as I type that, I realize it's lofty. And maybe to some of you it seems stupid. But if I'm going to do what I'm called to do, I need a tangible Jesus to follow. I need a Jesus who will scale the walls of my heart and convince me that the lies of the enemy are really lies, even though they fit like a well worn glove. I have a few faithful friends who are probably weary of reminding me ... and I am certainly weary of begging them to remind me. And, while I'm being honest, for more years than I care to recount here, I've knelt at an alter and begged Him to tear down the walls that keep me emotionally stoic and bound ... and so this morning when I knelt- I didn't even ask again. Because the minute my heart turned toward that request, I felt the spirit leave and I just have to trust that He already knows.

Before you think that this post is filled with "I don't think God is going to do this" negativity ... I fully expect God to meet me in the Little House on Tuesday night. I believe it. He convinced me during Lifegroup last week that He wants me to be alone with Him ... and the enemy is screaming at me from every high place in my mind that I'm crazy if I think this will change anything.

I don't know what He has in mind for me on these days of my journey, but He does. I'm asking that if you think of me, please pray.

This didn't go as I had planned ...

The sermon today isn't available yet. I know because I just looked ... I was pretty sure that wouldn't be, but I was so moved by what Scott taught today that I had to spend some time reflecting over it with you!

He began the heart of the message by asking the question ... "Why Am I Here?" and took us back to the beginning ... like as in Genesis 1. Now, lots of people have read Genesis 1. I have renewed my interest in this text as I have started teaching science again this year. I am absolutely fascinated by the Creation Story! I have become thoroughly convinced that belief in a literal 7 day creation story is foundational to our Christian walk. In Genesis 3 ... the serpent begins to chip away at the foundation of the woman's faith in God's sovereignty by asking the question "Did God really say that?"

Eve had no reason to doubt Adam's word ... but because the negative seed was planted by Satan, that doubt grew into questioning ... and questioning into rebellion.

WOW ... The real downfall began when the serpent began to infiltrate Eve's mind with DOUBT ... subtle doubt at first ... not doubting God, but 1st doubting her helpmeet ... Adam.

Had Adam failed her in some way that deserved her doubt? They were in the land of pleasure and delight ... the Garden of Eden.

Had he forgotten to take out the garbage, not been sweet enough when the snuggled up last night, spent more time tending the animals than made her feel special?

Yet doubt entered. And sin was quickly on its heels ...

chipping away at the foundation ...

TRUST

Let's look back at the dialogue between Eve and the serpent. In Gen 3:1b the serpent says, "Did God really say you must not eat from any tree in the garden?"

Now, I wasn't there ... it's taking some liberty to give voice to this snake ... but can you not hear his voice dripping with disgust?

Really, really did God say you can't eat from any tree? Overstating the case, knowing the seed of truth that is existed- there was only one forbidden tree- He knew that it would take the hard sell to make his case, he had to make it sound like they were being deprived because the couldn't have it all! So he planted the seed that they couldn't have any!

Eve responds correctly, The woman said to the serpent, "We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, but God did say "You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it or you will die."

Hold on ... ok ... I'm taking liberty again, but after all, I am a daughter of Eve ... I know what wells up in my mind as I read those words ...

I start out strong ... We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden ... and then the words of the serpent, the condesending tone in his voice(the you gotta be kidding-tone), the question that he placed before me(Are you really that stupid?) ... slams headlong into the truth ... and doubt creeps in. My faith waivers ... and the unthinkable word comes out ... BUT ... and I turn my eyes away from Jesus and toward the serpant and lean into what he is saying ...

can't you just see her ... me ... casting her eyes downward, shuffling her feet like a 10 year old, "yeah, but He did say we couldn't eat from the tree in the middle (the most beautiful one) and if we touch it we'll die (what's so special about the one in the middle that we would surely die?? and if it's that special, why wouldn't he want me to have any?)"

Shame creeps over me even at this very moment knowing how often I have treated God's boundaries with this sort of wishy-washy selfishness! Oh, I have my own high-horse issues ... what we commonly refer to as 'the big sins' ... you know, the ones that we can talk about in lofty terms because the rubber of our tires of life never really meet that road today(even though in truth they did, at another time in life, when today's friends didn't know me. Sound at all familiar?) ... you make your list, I have mine!

My life is littered with times where I questioned whether what God said is what He meant. L.I.T.T.E.R.E.D.
For many years I believed that God's Word was filled with stuff I couldn't do ... not stuff I shouldn't do, stuff that would bring death to the spirit in me, stuff that harms me ...  Just me being petulant and childish and looking at what I couldn't do ... pushing out my lower lip and stamping my foot.

Who am I that I should think myself worthy of questioning the HOLY GOD/CREATOR OF THE UNIVERSE??

And yet I find myself right back where I started ... with a question ... not the question Scott asked that I thought I was going to start with ... Why Am I Here? exactly ... but a question ... Who Am I? What Do I Think I'm Doing ... and it's almost like at this season of my life, I have to ask that question before I can even get to the "What am I doing here?" question!!!

Because here's the deal ... Before I can look at Why I'm here and how I relate to God, Myself, Others and His Creation ... I have to reposition myself to see that in that equation, it is God that is on the very top rung of that ladder. It really doesn't matter why I think I'm here, if I don't first realize that I am here primarily to bring Glory and Honor to the most high God.

Oh, it matters why God placed me here ... and I am here to related. Just like the sermon today said I'm purposed to relate to God, to myself, to others and to His Creation ... God's plan matters.

And He's calling me to remember that it matters more than my plans. Jer. 29:11 says " For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. "

In the New International Amy Version it often reads, "Do you know the plans I have for myself Lord? Are you listening? Hey God, pay attention here ... Now, make me rich and don't let anything bad happen to me while I walk around out here in this big world, okay, yeah you created the world, I know, but Lord have you seen all the cool things around today ... if I could only have _______ then my future would be great!

It's funny, this morning I found myself kneeling at an alter thanking God for changes in my home, for the blessing of a son, provision for my family ... asking Him to draw a friend, comfort a boy, heal a baby, a woman, a marriage, protect a soldier and give direction in a new venture- pleading with Him to keep me out of the way because I am persuaded that this idea of protecting out testimony is so life changing!

And He answers. Again.

So I'll move into this week not wondering, "God, is that what you really said for me to do?" But I will go in whole-heartedly, knowing that Your Word stands on its own, Your call is irrevocable and My obedience is required.

Lord Jesus, keep my eyes fixed on you even as the enemy tries to whisper in my ear that surely I misunderstood ... misunderstood what you have for me to do, who I am in You, my value to those who love me and the circumstances of my day!

I’m betting that I’m not alone … there are those of you who have waited for years for someone you love to seek Jesus. Well, I’m smack in the middle of that.




Today, Randy and I joined a new church. We haven’t belonged to a church since, well, about 2004, and got burned. And I mean burned such that I never really thought we would ever attend church again. Let alone find another fellowship of believers to join. The details of the hurt are not significant, but the message is clear … when you called into a leadership position of a church- you should take it seriously.



So … there were no bells and whistles or celebrations today. We didn’t even do the traditional lunch out with friends. It seemed to pass by for Randy and AJ without them even noticing. But I can’t help but stop and note what a moment this is for my family. Even if it’s not a big deal to anyone else! Randy initiated this … He decided. He had every opportunity to say no or let’s go somewhere else, but he likes it here. And that is an answer to a prayer that I did not expect!

There are things ...

There are things you wait a lifetime for ... and then there are things that are worth waiting a lifetime for ... and finding my man's Bible open ... knowing that He's seeking the Father ... knowing the Father is drawing him ... 

I need to hear

This post hit hard ... once today I had someone encourage me to seek the Father ... the next time it came as instruction. It was accurate. I knew at the time it was. It was exactly what I needed to do.  But I'm weary. I've been weary for several days and continued my daily search for His unsearchable things ... today, I didn't want to ... I didn't really know why.

The post told me why ... idol worship. Self-love in the midst of self-loathe.

Somedays I just blow it. Tomorrow I will start over. Today I still want to drive until I'm done driving. But I know I can't. I know I have to pay attention. I know that there's a plan and I'm only giving the enemy room ... I hate my weakness. I'm glad it is where He can show His strength.

Joy comes in the Morning

The Best Sleep ...

I wish I were talking about myself.
I am not.

But this morning, after not enough time in his bed, my son emerged saying, "Mom, I just had the best sleep I've had in forever!"

"Really Buddy? I'm so glad!"

I knew he had been IN BED long enough to get what he prefers which is 10 hours ... so I ventured in head first with a question.

"So why do you think you had such a great sleep?"

"Mom, exhaustion, knowing you did your best and winning are a great sleep combination."

wow ... of course they are ... so why hadn't I thought of that???

Exhaustion ... oh, I'm exhausted alright. But mostly it's mentally and spiritually.

Knowing you did your best ... I lay in bed night after night recounting all they things I should have done! Things I should have said to people ... things I should have done for them ... things I shouldn't have done ... things I shouldn't have said ... things I should have kept to myself ... things I should have shared ... meals that should have been cooked for others ... clothes that should have been washed ... have Randy's needs been met ... was I too harsh with AJ ... did I spend enough time with the Lord ... did I spend too much money ... THE LIST GOES ON AND ON AND ON AND ON AND ON ... you get the picture.

Winning ... I go to bed feeling defeated by that incessant list every night ... I rarely lay my head down feeling like I've accomplished enough to earn my keep ... as a wife, as mom, as an employee, as a friend ...

2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

I'm not sure I will ever feel like I get it all done ... and all done well enough to 'earn my keep' ... but I need to learn to live in the truth that, His Grace is Sufficient. Period.

come on along ...

it's all the rage ...

and I couldn't be more excited! There are a ton of ladies that have started the scripture memory team ... just lots of estrogen, spiral notecards, The Word ... and excitement about learning the Word!

What are  you waiting for!!!???

I asked Him

I've really struggled the past few days. In truth, I've felt the battle coming for over a week.Surface conversations. Walks that lead nowhere. Avoidance. Lies. Gray. Fear. I wasn't sure what it was ... thought maybe it was hormanal, maybe it was that I just simply had too much time on my hands last week to think ... but now I know it was impending battle. I'm thankful I can look back over the course of the past few weeks and know that the Lord has been faithful to draw me to Himself. I've spent a lot of time in the Word. But nonetheless, when the battle ensued on Saturday afternoon and things began to spiral out of control, while I was able to take every thought captive during my waking hours, in my sleep, dreams and horrible nightmares overtook me. And by Sunday morning, I was pretty much in a tail-spin. That tailspin worked its way into thoughts I haven't had in years by yesterday afternoon.

Sleep deprived I tried to nap- incapacitated by angry dreams, with reminders of awful things ... but this time, it wasn't direct memories of days gone by, but rather hurtful things, hinting at what happened. This is new. And I spent most of the afternoon asking God, "what is this all about?"

I felt alone, angry, hurt, abandoned ... afterall, I'm trying to do something big for you God. Something I know is important, something I know is way bigger than me ... and yet, I find myself in this really hard place. AGAIN ... really, really? I can't do any of this without You, so why are you letting this thing that threatens to pull me away again ... attack ... again.

I reached out to those I knew would pray.

One had already been praying for many miles because she saw the hurt in my eyes ... again. When she said it, the enemy whispered in my ear, "She'll tire of praying for you about this! She's strong, she can't understand this weakness. God loves her too much to force her to endure your trauma(or is it just drama?)" It was almost as if his spit hit me in the face as he hissed at me. Her next text suggested I sleep with my Bible under my pillow, on my chest, whatever it took. I knew she was praying ... and I chose to believe she wasn't tiring of my battle.

One text and then she called to tell me she too had been struggling. She said something that reminded me that my iPod had been a refuge sometime ago when invasive thoughts were hindering me.She promised to pray and I knew it was true.

One that I text that I wonder about her dependance on the Lord leaned toward humor and taking it easy on myself. She means well, but it probably answers some of the questions I've been asking the Lord on her behalf lately. She is dear to me and the call to share my struggle with her is real. Times like this help me remember that it is not all about me. 

One reminded me that He will fight my battles for me and encouraged me to dwell in His Word before bed.

And yet another came late in the night. The one who has loved me the longest was just broken before the Lord on my behalf that I had to do this yet again. When her words called me her "precious one" tears flowed and all I wanted was a set of arms to crawl up in and hide.

The evening came to a late end- I was reading in bed ... no iPod, no scripture, no Bible ... Randy was ready for bed and was snoring before I could muster the plea for him to protect me in the night from myself. I tried to force myself into sleep that my body was screaming it needed.

A long night began ... waking every hour or so, again, the same dreams. Awful things I want my mind rid of these awful things! When I woke at 4 ... I decided I would pray until I fell asleep, not just lie back down and hope for forced rest. In my heart I sang the praise song that rang through the church yesterday morning, "OH Holy God, I stand amazed ... " and began to put my own words into words I could not recall ... Oh Holy God, I stand amazed ... that you've taken this woman who has disobeyed you and placed me in this life. Oh Holy God, I stand amazed ... that you've given me a precious son, a wonderful husband and hope for our marriage.Oh Holy God, I stand amazed, that you've given me friends who would take their time, their energies and their resources and pray for me.  Over and over again in words that didn't fit the rhythm of the song but spoke to the need of my heart, until sleep came.

And then it did. When I woke @ 8am. I remembered I hadn't registered my Bible verse for the 15th yet ... Jer 33:3 ... I'd have to look it up to know exactly what it said.

Jer. 33:3 ‘Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.’

Great ... Lord, I'm tired of discovering these hurtful things that I didn't know. Why is it that they keep coming ... one memory at a time. one.hurt.after.the.other ... like bullets plunged into my leg, my shoulder, my knee ... places that hurt and hinder movement ... but they don't kill you. Even if sometimes you wish they would.

And then, I ASKED HIM ... "Lord, what do you want from me??? I've confessed, confronted, told, shared, laid down ... what more do you want?"

And He answered, "I want everything. I want the things you remember. I want the things you do not. Give them all to me. Give them all to me. Lay them all down. Stop being afraid of what's coming next. Know that I have covered that too. I want everything."

Everything. You know, I've been giving Him things as they come to me ... and I've been pretty faithful in that ... trying to be faithful in it. At times, there would be something new I had to give Him. Sometimes I pickup things I've laid down and have to go back to the Cross and lay it down again. But I know there has been growth.

Even as I formulated those thoughts this morning, I was keenly aware of His voice in my ear, saying, "Yes, you have. That's why it's not a flashback dream. It's what you are afraid happened. It's how you are afraid you responded. It's what the enemy has to use against you. The things you've given to me my sweet daughter, are no longer accessible to Satan. But those things you hang onto, they are fair game because you are trying to manage them or ignore them on your own. Give them to me."

Jer. 33:3 ‘Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.’

I'm calling on you Lord. I'm calling onYou. I don't need to know the specifics unless you need me to know them. But I need to know you. I need to know all you have for me to know ... the unsearchable things.

And so today, I gave Him the things I do not know. The things that I can not remember. The things that might come to my mind later. The things that may never surface. I give Him my fear of what might have been. I will trust Him in the unknown things. I will trust Him in the things that are unsearchable to me ... things that I have been searching for 25 years to find. Things that He will reveal when He choses- or the things from which He will guard me. I will not wait for the ghost around the bend. I will not wait for my Loving Heavenly Father to sideswipe me with new stuff ...

and I realized that was exactly the posture, the attitude, the heart behind my words. Regardless of the words. The attitude was that ... I approached the segway of my past and my future memories as things God, the loving God in whom I say I trust, would use to tackle me again.

And even as I type that, I have to confess what a ridiculous notion that is and pray that He will tend to that place in my heart that treats Him as if He were limited to human responses/motivations/actions.

Oh Lord Jesus, let this be a time when I can come to know you in the fullness of your Love. Not my limited searchable knowledge of you, but truly in the unsearchable places of even my very own heart ... places only You know.

My boy ...

Nothing makes me wax poetic more quickly than talking about my boy. If you know me, you know that with every breath he takes, every time his heart beats and his eye twinkles I am more madly in love with him than ever before. I can not help myself. Aside from His own Son, AJ is the greatest gift I have ever been given.

It wasn't that we had so much trouble conceiving ... it all happened within a reasonable amount of time. There was loss before, but not like others have faced. There have been no other children to follow him(except the dozen or so kids who I am blessed to haul, care for, love on, feed on a weekly basis), but I am thoroughly convinced that he is God's perfect provision for my quiver.

Yesterday was a good day.

No, it was a great day.

I spent a precious time with Jesus yesterday morning. Thanking Him for providing in ways I didn't see possible even 12 hours earlier ... but really  more than that, He just loved on my heart. He showed me new things in His Word. He led me directly to Jeremiah- to words which promise redemption, rescue, restoration and recovery. It is beyond me to explain to you how a heart can be so flat out before the Lord and leap at the same time ... but mine did!

AJ has been the embodiment of those things to me. The Lord reached down and rescued me before I could sink too deep into fear when he knit that baby boy in my womb -keeping the secret from me for enough months for his place inside me to be securely defined. My heart was revived like a dying woman gasping for breath when I felt him kick for the first time. I really did not think myself capable of such love- a heart restored. There are some things that I just can't even convey to you that Jesus has done through his very presence in my life ...

the past 6 months has meant change for us. We have upended our lives, our friendships, our church ... and in some ways our family. And there have been mornings that I have wondered, Lord, what are we doing? Is this the path You've ordained for us? I see growth, fruit, blessings of people in our lives that we simply would not be the same without ... and even on the days that I drive to school with tears in my eyes- I am certain that we are in the right place.

just for fun ...

The 12 Joys of Snow Days


12 kids that I love


11 pairs of ski pants


10 minutes quiet


9 sleds a runnin


8 gallons of milk


7 texts a beggin'


6 rounds of cocoa


5 boxes of ramen


4 lbs of wings


3 women laughing


2 men a runnin’ and


A 4-wheeler pulling a tube

funny thing is ...

for the past two days ... we've had one of the only tangible "bonus" that usually comes to a teacher.

SNOW DAYS!!!

There are rarely cash bonuses for educators. There aren't dividends that show up in the last paycheck of the year. Rarely is there money for continuing education or big fancy trips where school systems pay all the expenses. And when you work for a non-profit, Christian school ... well, there's only so much money to go around!

Mind you, I'm not complaining. Really, I'm not. Because I love the intangible benefits! The moment a kid gets the concept, the student who doesn't believe he can, but you gain his trust and finally he believes he can, the kid you love that everyone else hates ... the relationship part of my job is PRICELESS.

But, we're human. And so we look for the perks of the job! And while June and July are nice perks ... somehow when you are lesson planning or working a second job so that summer ends meet, the time "off" gets lost in the shuffle.

Snow days are unique ... they are like stolen moments in time. And this year, mine have been priceless. Yesterday started with Randy's arms around me, snow falling gently as we watched from our bed, propped on the headboard he made ... anticipating moments in the snow coming with kids that I love and friends that I treasure. Honestly, in the midst of a time of difficulty personally, I have never felt more blessed and loved by my Heavenly Father. When yesterday I could look around and count more than a hundred gifts that He has given me ... it made it hard to be too worried about the things that just aren't there right now. And a snow day is what God blessed me with so that I could know that He has me!

This morning, I woke again to snow, gently falling on the beautiful tree outside our bedroom window. And I talked to Jesus. I started out by just telling Him how beautiful everything outside looked ... and how much I love this unfinsihed, messy house. How thankful I was that He'd given me a place that I could just allow the kids I love to run through with childlike wonder! How it is the first place that He made me feel like a princess ... even if I didn't recognize the feeling all those years ago. I look out my windows and there is His creation ... and I am blessed. But this morning I had to say outloud that if He calls us to leave this house for another "thing" then I'm willing to go. I equally had to confess that my heart breaks when I consider what that means ... you see, I've been trying to learn to dream again ... and one of the 'dreams' that I have is to grown old in this place. There have been very, very few long time things in my life ... I've lived in the house we are in longer than I have ever lived anywhere in my life.I want AJ to bring his friends home from college here. I want Randy and I to sit on the porch and watch the sun rise and drink coffee.  I want to have grandchildren in this house and read to them ... I want my grandchildren to play with Jena's grandchildren ... I want grow old here.

You see, the little girl in me wants to know that where I close my eyes is going to be where I wake up. That permanent isn't just for everyone else but it's for me too. That I'm important enough to provide for and make feel secure. And yet the truth is ... none of those things is where I ought find my security. And just because I don't get the answer I want, doesn't mean Jesus doesn't care.

Snow days ... well, I'm thankful for the blessing of time to reflect. Time to consider. Time to pray. Time to love my very favorite people in the whole world.

Tangible gifts!

Jer. 32:38-39

One of the most powerful things I have ever learned in Bible Study is that prayer is vital ... and God'sWord has power ... AND when you join the two it's like dynamite!

Explosive power.

So when I chose Jer 32:28-39 as my first memory verse I was compelled.

I will be their God and they will be my people. I will give them singleness of heart and action, so that they will always fear me for their own good and the good of their children after them. NIV

Because if I really humble myself and pray this scripture for myself ... wow ... what am I asking for ... but today, I pray it because Oh Lord Jesus, I need it!

It went something like this ... I will be Amy's God and she will be my daughter. I will keep life such that she will always keep her heart and actions fixed upon me ... so that she will fear me for her own good ... and for AJ's good who will come after her. 


What would I endure so that my example would be one that my son would fear the Lord and know Him as  HIS GOD ...

Oh Lord, please help me to walk this road well, so that as AJ follows after me, he would know/ trust/ believe ... encouraged by my walk, not in spite of it. Oh Lord, whatever it takes ... Be my God.

Around the Bend ...

It's a new year ...

and I'm trusting Him for a few new beginnings.

A new Word ... I've started the Siesta Scripture Memory Team w/ Beth Moore ... and I know it's a new day because I don't do scripture memory well ... and I almost have these two completely new verses down! That is something only God could do ... I can't tell you what a block I've had about being able to memorize. It's the weirdest thing. But by the 15th - Jeremiah 32:38-39 will be mine!

A new Vision ... I'm starting a new ministry with our church. Please pray with me that I will clearly hear HIS voice! This is an exciting time. It will absolutely require that I hear His voice clearly, obey without question or delay ... and risk the possibility that this could stretch me in ways I have not weighed out!

A new Marriage ... Yesterday I saw something I have only seen one other time ... my man raised his hands in worship. Now, I'm not a legalistic or fanatical about the whole hand raising thing. It isn't that I'm standing back and if you came to church with me I be silently saying in my mind, "well, she didn't raise her hands, she must not feel the spirit/be a Christian/love the Lord" ... But here's what it means to me when I raise my hands ... the chains that kept me in bondage have been lifted ... I am not longer held captive by them ... I honor and thank the one who Removed them ... All I have is yours. It is an outward sign of inward surrender. And I pray that this year will be filled with moments where my fella knows what it's like to be released from that thing that hold him captive.

A new Adventure ... Our family really wants to serve on a mission trip to Nicaragua. We have a heart for missions ...it's just who we are as a family. We serve. But a foreign mission will stretch our already tight because we are paying for Christian School budget to the limit. So we are trusting God that if it is where we are to go ... He will make a way. AND ... if nothing else, my plea is that he will at least get Randy there!


There are no fewer than 10 other things I'm trusting Him for this New Year ... health, financial provision, healing in family relationships are among them ... but really, when I get excited about what's to come this next year ... the events are the ones I've listed above. The other things involve other people ... and well, just because I choose to publicly display my stuff doesn't mean I'm going to expose "our" stuff. So ... here's to new beginnings. And a few to be continued items.